Burnt Skies and Stormy Nights

This writing is dedicated to my lovely internet friends, especially Jen, who has kept me going and inspired me to write a character that's into cosplay.

Will You Love Us Both?

Mitchell and Jacqueline met in college. They were both graduating and working on getting into master's programs for their respective professions. Mitchell was going for music, and Jacqueline had been selected for journalism. They were friends for a while and often found each other studying late at night in the library. The more and more they bumped into each other, the more they became friends. Jacqueline had just gone through a big breakup when they met and hadn’t planned on dating anyone for awhile. About a year into their friendship, Mitchell finally asked Jacqueline on a date. He had hoped she was ready for love again, and he was willing to show her what a good man looked like. Once they started dating, it was love. The many nights in the library and sharing food as they studied and eventually graduated. As they were finishing up their schooling, Jacqueline's sister Sarah had, had a baby. They named him Scott Elliot. He was born with unknown complex disabilities that the doctors would work hard on trying to diagnose. On the way home from Scott's first birthday, Scott's parents were killed in a car accident. In Sarah's will, Jacqueline had been named guardian of Scott if the parents were to pass on. This would leave Jacqueline stuck. She loved Mitchell, but would he love her and Scott? Would she want to be in a relationship while caring for this complex child? Well, she didn't have long to decide. She knew the boy was hers but had to figure out what to do with Mitchell.

Late one night, the two sat at a dimly lit dining table. Jac, as Mitchell called his girlfriend, would talk with him. Along with the boy now being hers, Jac had also gotten the house. She figured Sarah thought it would be easier for her to move into her place instead of having to find a place fit for Scott. As the couple talked, Jac knew Mitchell was in it for the long run. She'd even asked him if he was doing this because he felt sorry for her or if he genuinely truly loved her. Which he told her multiple times he genuinely loved her. About a month later, Mitchell proposed, and the wedding planning would start. They had both graduated, and thankfully, Mitchell got a job, but Jac was struggling. She couldn't seem to find anything that would work with her and Scott. Mitchell was making decent money, and they had help from the parents, but Jacqueline was sad that she did all that school, only to end up in this situation. Now, losing a sister is hard. There were plenty of times she grieved. In fact, she will never get over losing her sister. Sarah and Jacqueline were almost attached at the hip. They always did things together, and both had planned since childhood that they would each be maids of honor at their weddings.

When Jacqueline realized that she'd probably not be able to get a traditional job, she had to find other ways to make a little money. She started with a blog. She called it "A Blessing in Disguise: Being Thrown Into Motherhood." She would talk about her experiences as an adoptive mother, tell stories about her and her sister, and whatever info she could about Scott and his disability. Things started to pick up, and she would make some money from her posts, and then vlogging became a thing. She'd post videos about what they were doing and the occasional medical video. It didn't take long before her community of watchers grew. She had people in the same boat with disabilities and being mothers and people just generally interested in disabilities. It was a whole mix of people, and she loved it.

As her community grew, the more she found she liked cosplay. Getting to create and be someone else, if only for a few hours. As she worked on her first costume and posted the work-in-progress videos to her channel, the more she grew in a different direction. She had people who loved Scott, people who loved cosplay, and people who loved both. Jac had found her happy place. These were her people. She could be someone else and almost forget about life, even if just for a moment.

As time went on, the cosplay and Jac's social media presence grew. She was able to make some money and was even invited to her first convention. She'd finished a costume for herself and was almost done with a costume for Scott and his wheelchair. Her Space Hunter had all the finishing touches; she just needed to finish the spaceship she was turning her son's wheelchair into.

Coming out of the bedroom and padding down the hall, Jac could smell the coffee. Mitch was up already and would pour his wife some coffee before Scott's first feeding of the day. Jac had wanted to sit at the kitchen table with her husband, who would be off to work soon, but it was nearing time for Scott's breakfast, and she had to get his formula mixed and ready to go into his feeding tube. Having wiped down the counter, she grabs the formula and a feeding tube bag. She'd fill the bag and get it ready before bringing Scott out in his wheelchair and hooking up his feeding pump.

"Good morning, Scott!" She smiles, lifting the heavy child into his wheelchair. Getting him all strapped in and situated, she kisses his head before pushing him out of his bedroom. He had a huge smile on his face, and it made Jac shed a tear. She could see every bit of her sister in this boy, and it definitely made her miss her sister.

"You look just like your momma. Did you know that?" She says, kissing him again, unlocking his chair, and finally rolling him out of his room.

"She had a smile just like that. So big and bright. She lit up a room whenever she walked in, and you know what? She'd be so proud of you." Jac smiles, looking up to see her husband holding a cup of coffee. It was their morning routine. She'd come out with Scott, and he'd come down the hall with the travel mug of coffee and help her to a few sips before letting her go to hook up Scott's feeding tube. If he didn't, it would be a moment before she'd get some coffee, and Mitch knew Jac would want at least a few sips of the hot stuff before it got cold. She'd be so busy running around that by the time she had a chance to sit, she wouldn't have had any. Not to mention the caffeine boost. That helped, too.

"Thank you, babe." She smiles, leaning in to kiss her husband. She would let go as Mitch leaned down to say good morning to Scott.

"Morning, kiddo, off to school today?"

"Nope, no school; one of the kids got really sick, so they have to sanitize the classroom."

"Guess that means you get to spend the day with Mom! Hopefully, I'll be home soon to spend the afternoon with you. Maybe I can even do your therapy with you."

"Oh, that would be great! We miss you when you don't come."

"I know, and I want to be more involved." Mitch smiles before quickly moving out of the way when Scott makes a groan.

"Ok, ok, I know you're hungry," Mitch says, leaning to kiss Jac and let her go feed their child. Pushing him out into the kitchen, she checks the pump to ensure it has a good battery. It does, so she sets up all the pieces and clips the pump tube into his g-tube port. She injects some of his medication before turning on the feeding pump and letting him get his food and nutrition.

"Here's your-"

"Thanks." Jac smiles, taking the coffee from her husband. Taking a sip, she smiles at him from across the table. This was definitely not the life she expected, but it was the life she had, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

It was nearing the end of Jac's childbearing years, and while the discussion continued, they needed to ensure they were on the same page with wanting kids. As a young child, Jac had thought about being a mom. The older she got, the more she knew she'd be ok if she didn't have any. Kids were not a requirement for her. If she got pregnant, she would love and care for the child. When her sister died, the thought of kids got put on the back burner. Jac was just trying to survive with this new human she was having to learn to care for. Not having a biological child of her own was not a huge deal. Though, now that time was starting to fade, she decided that she should start trying. Maybe having her own child made from her and Mitch was something she wanted. She just had to sit and talk with Mitch and see what he wanted.

Feeling Lost

As time passed, Jac and Mitch finally brought up the kid's talk again. Jac had said no for so long, but recently, she had gotten baby fever. She wanted something that was her and Mitch. While she and Scott shared a little DNA, he was not 100 percent, and Jac wanted her own now.

As the months went on, Jac and Mitch tried. It took them a while, but they were finally pregnant. Jac was finally in a place where everything was falling into place. Mitch was making good money, and Jac's online presence was getting her money as well. It wasn't much, but the couple was doing ok. They were surviving.

As the pregnancy progressed, the happier Jac got. Everything was looking up. Scott was progressing in therapy, Mitch was having a blast at work, and Jac's pregnancy was going great. Or so they thought. At around five months, things started to go downhill, and by five and a half months, Jac was put on bed rest. She hated it. Thankfully, Mitchell had some leave so he could care for Scott, but that was Jac's least favorite. Not getting to spend time with Scott and help with his care. A week later, Jac was in the hospital, having had a stillbirth. This child who she'd never met was gone. Scott was ten, so it had been nine years since her sister's death, and this was bringing all that back. Was there something she could have done better? Did she do something wrong? According to her doctor, there was nothing she did wrong. They had no answers. He wanted to give her some, but unfortunately, he could not.

As she sat in her hospital bed, reliving everything, she cried. In the last ten years, she'd lost two people who meant her world. She wanted her sister; she wanted to talk to her. That maybe she wouldn't feel so alone.

"Maybe only one of us was supposed to survive." She cried, thinking about her sister.

"Maybe you both died so Scott could live."

As she spent time alone, she cried. She cried for what felt like days. She'd been given a list of grief groups she could go to for this sort of thing and wasn't sure if she was ready to do that. She felt like she needed to be alone for a while before sitting in another room full of sobbing parents.

"Sarah…" She sobs.

"I really wish you were here to help me. I know you'd know what to say. You're not, though, and I feel alone. I know Mitchell is grieving, too, but I carried the child. He kicked inside me, and I loved him. Do you know how hard that is to say goodbye to?"

Taking a moment, she dry heaves before letting out another giant sob.

"We were going to name him Sydney Oliver. The S in Sydney like you, Sarah."

Thankfully, Jac had a private room so she could let out all her emotions. She was alone, and while she thought it was a good idea to send Mitchell to get some food and go check on Scott, it probably wasn't the best to be left alone in her thoughts. Though, maybe it was a good idea. Perhaps she needed the time to be with herself. As she sat there, she tried to talk to her sister. Maybe Sarah had some advice. Maybe just grieving aloud would help her get to a place where she'd be ok.

"Will you care for him? Just like I care for Scott? Please?"

She pauses, almost like someone's in the room.

"Maybe my baby dying was so you could have your own baby."

"Shit, Jac, don't say that."

"Jacqueline, it's ok; you say whatever; I'm here."

"Sarah?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sad sissy."

"I know, but you keep talking, and I'll listen."

"Why me?"

"Well, I don't know, there are unexplained reasons, but I got you. I'll watch over Sydney till you get here."

"You promise?"

"Promise."

As she sat on the bed, unable to move from the surgery, she was startled as a nurse came in.

"So sorry, just here to take your vitals. Wish I could leave you alone, but they won't let me."

"I know, it's ok." Jac sighed, feeling the weight move from her room as if Sarah had left.

"You feeling alright? Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, nothing; I mean, unless you can magically make the bay-"

"Oh, so sorry, you know I would if I could. So sorry I asked." The nurse says, using her stethoscope to listen to Jac's heart.

"I'm just going to leave. If you need anything, gladly call us."

"Thanks, but I'd like to be left alone."

Sitting on the bed, she sobs. The nurse had left and thankfully closed the door on her way out. Jac didn't want the people out there to hear her cry. About 20 minutes later, Mitchell returns from checking on Scott and getting some lunch.

"Those woman out there! They get to go home with their babies, and I don't. Why the fuck me. What did I do?!"

"I wish I had answers for you, babe; I really do. Just please don't beat yourself up about this. There was nothing you did wrong."

"He died inside me! He fucking died! I carried a dead baby! I absolutely did something wrong!"

"Jac, please! Breathe, take a moment. Please don't make me get your inhaler!"

She heaves again, crying with everything she had.

"Fuck, I should have never decided to have a baby. I have Scott. That's not enough?!"

"Jacqueline! We did what we thought was right and what we wanted; we had no idea this would happen. Just breathe before I call the nurse. You are hyperventilating, and I really don't want to fish out your inhaler from my bag."

"Are you telling me I can't cry?!"

"Absolutely not! I just want you to calm down a bit. I don't need more days in the hospital; I want to go home with you so we can grieve at home and not in this sterile hospital room with all the babies around us. The more you calm down, the more faith they will have in you, and the sooner we can go home."

"Will you lay with me?" Jac asks, hiccuping as she tries to calm down. She can't move in the bed, so she hopes Mitch will help situate her.

"You ok with that? I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care, just please come lay with me."

"Course, anything for you." Mitch smiles, wiping the tears that fell from his face. He had been crying before he came back into Jac's room. Helping get Jac situated and himself on the bed, he pulls his wife close and snuggles with her. His deep pressure therapy seemed to be working as Jac slowly calmed. Or so he thought.

"Love you," Mitch whispers, leaning into his wife's ear.

"Love you too," Jac replies, snuggling into her husband. As she lay in his arms, she cried.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"You get to be sad, too, and I'm not letting you."

"Hey, it's ok, you did all the hard work. You are allowed to be sadder than me." Mitch sighs, feeling the weight in his arms change. He thought Jac had fallen asleep until he felt her gasp for air. Getting up quickly, he pressed the nurse button and ran into the hall. She had hyperventilated herself into an asthma attack.

"Nurse! Anyone! Help!" He cries, running back into his wife's room. She was trying to get air.

"Hey, Jac calm down; freaking out's only going to make it worse." He says as a group of hospital staff come running into the room.

"My wife has asthma; I think she's having an asthma attack. I didn't want to give her her inhaler because I wasn't sure what it would do."

"Thank you, sir; we will take it from here."

"Jacqueline, I need you to calm down. We are going to help you sit up." The nurse instructs, looking at Mitchell in hopes of getting him to get her rescue inhaler. Running for his bag, Mitchell grabs the inhaler from the outside pocket and hands it to the nurse. She helps Jac to it and ensures she gets the first big puff.

"Ok, deep breaths. You've got 30 seconds left, and you can have another puff."

Jac is quiet as she tries to steady herself. She tries to count to when she can have her next puff of her inhaler, hoping that would get her to steady her breath. As she wheezed, she counted. Her hands held onto Mitch, trying to get any air into her she could as she squoze his hands. Looking up, she saw Mitch smiling at her and looking into her eyes. As he caught her attention, he began to sing.

"When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As dreamers do."

Mitch was trying anything to get her to calm down, and he figured if he sang to her, he could calm her down. Distract her from everything. As he sang, Jac broke down in sobs again. He sang to her like she imagined he would with a baby in his arms. Taking a deep breath, she sobs again before an inhaler is carefully placed in her mouth and medicine shot into it.

"I'm sorry, I just…"

She looks at him as if to say, 'Keep going.' So he does. Singing again as he watches his wife slowly get back to normal. She'd only needed five pumps of the inhaler, which was great because the max was 10.

"Lungs are sounding better." The nurse says, having just finished listening.

"But I need you to be careful. We want to send you home, but we can't do that if you keep doing this."

"I know, and I'm sorry; I've been really good lately, but you know…"

"I know; I can't imagine what you are going through. Just keep the air flowing, and you should be fine."

A few hours later, after finally calming herself down, Jac could get some sleep. It was the middle of the day, and she was napping. Did she care? No. Jac was desperate for sleep. As she rested, Mitch tried to keep people out of her room. He knew she needed this sleep. As he sat in the chair in her room and answered emails, a soft knock was heard on the door. It was a nurse coming to do her vitals check on Jac.

"Hi, I need to do a vitals check."

"You think you could come back later?"

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this."

"Please, she's napping and just pulled herself out of an asthma attack." Mitch pauses as he pleads with the nurse.

"She hasn't slept in at least 12 hours and literally had a dead baby pulled from her."

"I promise I'll be quick."

"No! Please, just give us like an hour. I'll have her awake by then."

"Half hour." The nurse negotiates.

"45 minutes."

"Fine, 45 minutes."

"Thank you," Mitch says, closing the door. He had wanted to lay with his wife in the bed, but he knew she needed the uninterrupted sleep and did not want to disturb her. He also knew she needed to make some sort of video for her community to let them know she would be taking some time off. She had a con coming up, and Mitch wasn't sure she'd want to go anymore.

It had been an hour and a half, and Jac had her exam. Mitch had wanted her to sleep, but because the convention in Seattle was fast approaching, he really wanted to make sure what her plan was. If she wasn't going to go, she needed to let the people at the convention know, and then let her followers know she wasn't going to go to SeattleCon.

"Jac?" Mitch starts, helping Jac to some water.

"Hmm?"

"I was looking at my calendar for work while you were napping. I saw SeattleCon on there. It's in four weeks. Are you going?"

"Well, I hadn't thought about it, but I think I need to go."

"You know you don't have to; no one is forcing you."

"I know, but we've been through so much. I need a ray of light. Plus, Amanda said she'd be there, and she's been so good to me I just have to see her."

"Well then, have you picked a costume? What was your plan before all of this?"

"Well, I couldn't wear my Space Hunter, obviously because of the belly. Now, I'm sure I could, but I just don't know if I'm ready for that much uncomfortable. My body will probably still be adjusting. I finished the second spaceship for Scott; I was thinking, I have that admiral costume, with that crazy wig. You know, that dress you love on me. I know that's got some stretch."

"The one with the crazy head thingie and the flowy dress?"

"Yeah, that one. It's easy to pack, so I can pack the wheelchair costume for Scott."

"You have any plans?" Jac asks, wondering if her husband would dress up in any of the costumes she'd made for him.

"I have that space doctor; that's always a hit at cons."

"I remember that. Everyone loved that one."

"Yeah, it was a blast."

"Now I just gotta recover so we can bail out of here."

"Agreed; I know you are desperate to return to normal."

"Oh boy, am I! Now, will you get me my phone? I need to film a video to let everyone know what happened. Most would say it's too soon, but I need my community now more than ever."

"Sure thing, babe." Mitch smiles, getting up from his chair and going towards their bag of stuff. Mitch had plugged her phone in to let it charge a few hours ago.

"Have you heard from your parents?" Jac asks, watching Mitch go for her phone.

"Mom texted me a few hours ago and told me Scott was doing great; they were watching movies. She found a new one he really likes."

"A new movie? He never watches anything new?!"

"I know, but Nana must have the touch." Mitch chuckles, bringing back Jac's phone.

"Thanks." Jac smiles, propping up the phone so she can film.

"Hey guys, I'm going to make this quick; I wanted to give a little life update. It's obvious this is not my normal filming area." She starts, pulling Mitch towards her.

"I'm sure most of you know, but I was-" She paused. The word 'was' hit her like a ton of bricks. She was pregnant, not pregnant anymore.

"I was five months pregnant." The tears were falling now.

"I haven't been posting a ton because I was put on bedrest, then I ended up in the hospital. I, uh, I had a stillbirth."

"Mitch and I are surviving, and Scott is staying with Mitch's parents. We are trying to get out of the hospital."

"Please be respectful to us at this time, and I know most are wondering. Yes, I'm still going to SeattleCon, so I'll see you all then. Not sure what content, if any at all, will be posted at this time, but I'll be back when I'm ready."

"Thank you, and I will see you when I see you." Jac sadly smiles, trying not to cry in front of her fans.

Why Do Things Never Go Right For Me?

As she sat in the chairs at the pharmacy of her local grocery store, she waited. Jac had some prescriptions to pick up, and when she arrived, one of them wasn't ready. If it weren't for Scott, she'd only need to go to the pharmacy every so often to pick up her rescue inhaler and not once a month for the multitude of his medications, and now the new one she's been given after her hospital stay to regulate her hormones.

"Jacqueline? Jacqueline Stewart?" The woman calls from behind the counter. Getting up, Jac unlocks Scott's wheelchair and heads up to the counter. She locks it and smiles at the woman.

"Hi, we have the medications for Scott, but we called your doctor, and you have to make an appointment for that inhaler and get a new prescription for it."

"You don't have it?"

"No."

"I was just there a week ago. I had an exam, and she wrote me for my new inhaler."

"They said they don't have record of it."

"Are you serious?!" Jac sighs, using her right hand to push Scott back and forth in his chair. He was making his "I'm antsy" noises, and she knew he was done and ready to go, but she couldn't leave till she had all the prescriptions.

"I'm so sorry; I know what you've been going through lately. I wish I could make this work for you, but you know I can't."

"Shit…" she sighs, taking a moment.

"I know; I just wish this wasn't so complicated. I was literally just there, and I watched the doctor document all about my current asthma status. I don't know how this…"

Jac was trying not to get upset and unleash all her stress on the woman at the counter. She knew it wasn't her fault; she knew the woman couldn't do anything to fix this.

"Well, I guess I'll just be very careful with the one I have then. Can I pay for the ones that are ready, and I'll go figure this out?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Scott honey, I know, mommy is almost done; I know you want to go." She soothes, still pushing his chair back and forth.

"That'll be 24.99."

"24? The hell?!"

"I'm sorry, they didn't tell you it was going up?"

"No, but whatever, I need to get him home; I'll pay and deal with it later."

As she paid, she took the brown pharmacy bag and pushed her son's chair towards the exit and to the car. She'd do some shopping but was too frustrated to even think about getting groceries.

Getting to her van, she opens it, wrangles his chair up the ramp, and ties him down. Someone had parked a little close to the access aisle, and she really had to squeeze to get him in. As she sat in the driver's seat, she cried. Everything she'd hoped would run smoothly today did not. Now, she had to call her doctors and insurance. She and Mitch were making ok money, but this last-minute change and the bill she had to pay off for her recent hospital stay (because no insurance is going to pay for a stillbirth) was taking a toll on them. She hoped insurance could either fix it or give her a better deal.

"Damn, if it ain't one thing, it's another." She cries, trying not to get all worked up. She knew her inhaler was almost out, and an asthma attack was not something she needed.

Looking up in the mirror, she wipes her eyes and takes a big, deep, heavy breath. She was exhausted and just wanted to get home so she could help Scott with his therapy and relax with a little TV.

Taking another deep breath, she starts the van and pulls out of her spot. She gets on the road and heads home. A ten-minute drive later, and she's home. Getting Scott inside, she helps him to the floor. She'd get the rest of his things later. She just wanted to get his therapy out of the way. Turning on his therapy playlist, she helps him work out his legs first. Keeping them active was one thing they had wanted to work on. Since he can't walk and spends most of his time in a wheelchair, anything to keep the blood flowing was good.

SeattleCon

It was early. Mitch had his travel list written and stuffed in his pocket as he finished getting dressed. He told Jac he'd wake her up when he finished getting dressed so she could have some extra sleep before getting up and finishing up before the drive to the ferry. They lived on Whidbey Island and had to get to Seattle. The convention didn't start till tomorrow, but they needed to have everything packed and ready for the 6 a.m. ferry so they could get to the hotel and get settled in their room and everything situated.

Waking his wife, Mitch goes to Scott's room to get him dressed and ready for the day while Jac gets ready herself. Anything he could do to make the time go by faster, he would.

An hour later, everyone is dressed and packed. Costumes in their special cases, Scott's spaceship carefully wrapped, and any and all medical supplies in their respective spots. Getting the car packed, Mitch puts the bags in while Jac gets Scott hooked in and his breakfast started. She had a small snack but would have something later as she wasn't super hungry. Mitch, on the other hand, had an egg sandwich and some coffee.

Before getting to the ferry, the couple would drive through for some coffee. Once parked, having told the attendant they needed to park near the elevator, they would get everyone out and go find a spot to sit to enjoy their coffee and make sure Scott finished his breakfast. As they found their seats, Scott cooed. Jac could tell he was happy, and having been stressed all morning, it made her feel much better.

"You excited, Scott?" Jac smiles, sipping on her coffee.

"Tomorrow, we get to meet a bunch of mommies friends, and you get to dress up in your spaceship again."

Scott cooes again as Jac can tell she's being stared at. It was nothing new. There were always people who watched her or said things under their breath. The amount of times people came to her and told her how amazing she was for being his mother. Now, the first few times, it made her feel good, but the more she heard it, the more it didn't sit with her. He was her son. She was his mother. There was nothing special or amazing about it. It was everyday life for her. Life was rough, but never did she feel amazing. As she sipped her coffee, she overheard a mother and son a few seats away from her while Mitch was in the bathroom.

"Mama? Why him like that?"

"Well, he's different than you and me and can't walk and needs help, so he has a wheelchair."

"But him have legs?"

"I know, but his legs don't work like ours, so he has to sit."

"What's that?" The little boy points as Jac adjusts the Gtube, helping the last little bit of formula make its way down the tube.

"Well, that looks like his food." The mother says, getting up and quickly stopping her son from getting too close as he was super curious.

"So sorry." The mom apologized.

"No worries."

"Did you have any questions, little man?" Jac asks, knowing the boy has been asking questions to his mother.

"That his food?" He points, looking up inquisitively at Jac.

"It sure is; Scott gets his food in a tube in his belly. Your mom must be teaching you."

"I try; he's just so full of questions that sometimes I don't have answers for."

"Been there, and I'm glad you are teaching him. It's not often I get someone really wanting to learn. Most parents pull their kids away." Jac sighs sadly.

"Well, I want him to be aware of people around him."

Jac lets out a smile as Scott coo's again. He's drooling, and Jac is quick to grab his towel.

"He can't talk, but he loves to listen. His neighbor friends love to tell him jokes."

Smiling, Jac watches the boy come up and chat with Scott. He was telling him about his school and how he had just moved with his mom. It turns out they had moved down the street and were going to the same school. This made Jac happy. The little boy was finding a lot of interest in Scott and couldn't wait to hang out more with Scott.

"It was so nice to meet you."

Jac smiles, reaching over and taking Mitch's hand as if to say, "We should go."

"You too."

"I'll text you. We've just got to get going. It takes us forever to get in the car." Jac chuckles, getting up and collecting her things. She made sure she had everything of Scott's and then checked her pockets. It was a stressful morning, and she didn't want to have to search for an inhaler, so in her jeans pocket, it went. Thankfully, she hadn't needed it yet, but she always liked to be prepared.

Getting down to their car and everyone hooked in, they wait their turn for the ferry to dock and then to be let out. As they wait, Jac looks over at Mitch in the driver's seat. She had tears falling from her face.

"Hey, why are you crying? You ok?" Mitch asks, reaching to take his wife's hand to comfort her.

"That family. That little boy was so happy with Scott. It just made me so happy. And not to mention they moved in near us. I can't wait for more hangouts." Jac happily cries.

"They sure were nice. It was great to see Scott happy for a little."

"Yes, it was." Jac smiles as Mitch pulls off the ferry and follows the directions of the people directing traffic. They get out of the terminal and make it into the main road. A while later, they finally make it to their hotel. Because of Scott, Jac had called, and they got an early check-in. They wanted to have plenty of time to unpack and get everything set up for tomorrow. Make sure that Scott had plenty of time out of his wheelchair and a session of his therapy as he'd be sitting most of the day tomorrow, and Jac wanted him to be comfortable. As she gets the room situated, she receives a text from Amanda. She had been there since yesterday and wanted to check in and make sure everything was alright. Jac thanked her, and within the hour, Amanda was at their hotel room door with smiles and a snack for the parents.

Carefully, Jac used what fingers she had to open her room door. She had Scott in a bridal hold as she had been happily dancing around their hotel room with him.

"Amanda! Oh my gosh, it's so good to see your face!"

"You too, Jac!" She smiles, coming into the room and setting the snacks on the table. Within moments, Jac was crying. She hadn't cried in a while about her recent loss, and if she was going to cry in front of anyone, it was going to be Amanda. The one person she knew would let her cry it out. She was definitely happy to see Amanda and was grateful to get her tears out now before meeting everyone tomorrow.

"It was horrible." Jac cries.

"I'm sure it was," Amanda replies, reaching to awkwardly hug Jac. She was still holding Scott, who was getting more and more heavy.

"Let me take him for you, unless you wanna continue your dance party. I'll dance with you!" Amanda chuckles.

"They were going to induce labor, but I ended up with a c-section. I really shouldn't be holding him like this, but I needed the dance party. Plus, Mitch went to get more stuff out of the car, so he isn't here to ridicule me. Because you know he would."

"Yes, as would I; you know we just want you safe and healthy."

"I know, and thank you." Jac smiles between tears. Carefully handing Scott to Amanda, Jac goes to sit down. As she sits on the couch in their room, she cries. She was in the same room with her best friend. The one person besides her sister she would do anything for. The one person who was always there at the right times with the right words.

"Thank you…" Jac sighs as she watches Amanda rock Scott back and forth.

"Anything."

"Scott, my boy, when did you get so big? Mommy must be feeding you well." Amanda chuckles, smiling down at Scott, who is still in her arms. As she smiled, she went over and sat on the couch next to Jac. Sitting the boy in her lap carefully, she leans on Jac.

"I'm so glad you guys are here. Peter and I have missed you." Amanda says, smiling, feeling Scott shift in her lap.

"Me too. I needed this so badly."

"So, Jac, what costume did you bring?"

"Well, I wanted the Space Hunter, but I didn't make it for pregnant me, and I've gained a few pounds. So I brought my Admiral costume. Mitch likes it, and it's super comfortable. Plus, I brought Scott's second spaceship. I can't wait to see how he looks. I finished that last minute."

"Oh yeah! I remember when you made that one. It was neat. I like your Space Hunter, but the Admiral one is cool too." Amanda smiles, adjusting her arms to keep Scott from slipping.

"Just remember, your body is your choice. Don't think you have to lose weight or anything to please the fans. If you don't want to wear it because it makes you sad, don't wear it. Those that love you and what you do will understand. If they don't like it, then so be it. You do what makes you happy. We will not please the fans or the algorithm."

The room was silent. Jac had stopped crying, but Amanda had said just the right words to make her start crying again. Damn, was she good.

"Amanda… I."

"No words. Please, you can cry. It's ok."

"I don't deserve any of you. You are too good for me." Jac cries, she's trying to calm herself to keep her breathing steady. No need to have another big attack like she did after her C-section.

"You know I'll do anything for you." Amanda smiles, putting her hand on Jac's shoulder.

"I know, I'm just, it's been a lot."

"I know, and I want you to take your time. Just relax, and let's not call 9-1-1." Amanda replies, sensing the hyperventilating in her friend's voice.

"I wonder where Mitch is." Jac finally asks out loud. She'd been thinking about it but hadn't said anything.

"Probably with my husband." Amanda replied, watching Jac slowly ease up on her breathing.

"I think there's some sports game on. Maybe he invited him to watch last minute. I know he's not going to him for costume advice because he knows he should come to me for that." Jac chuckles between deep breaths. She was about to reach for her inhaler when her phone went off. Today was going to be a busy day, and she'd set alarms to remind her to set up Scott's feeding. She's not one to forget, but with the recent events and the stress of getting up early and the ferry and checking into the hotel, she was grateful for it.

"Alright, Scott, it's lunchtime!" Jac smiles finally as she gets up and walks over to Amanda. Picking Scott up carefully, she walks him over to his wheelchair and sets him in it. Sliding on a bib, she hooks up the Gtube before getting everything else set up. Before giving him food, she uses a syringe and gives him his lunch medicine. Turning the pump on, she hooks the pump to his chair and then pushes him over towards them so they can continue to sit on the couch.

As the two sat on the couch and talked, Mitch used his key and came into the hotel room with the few last things he'd gotten from their car.

"Hey, babe, did you get lost?" Jac chuckles, opening up her phone to make sure she didn't miss a text from her husband.

"Ha Ha, very funny, Jac!" Mitch rolls his eyes.

"I'm not laughing!"

"Sure, I heard you laugh."

"Ok, ok, I did laugh. But are you ok, though?"

"Yeah, I just stopped to go say hi to Peter, and we got to talking."

"Just like Amanda. Hi!" Mitch smiled, waving at Amanda, who was still sitting on their couch.

"Hi Mitchell, it's nice to see you, but I should get going. I think my husband is probably waiting on me."

"Thank you, Amanda." Jac smiles, getting up and hugging her friend who was about to leave.

“Your welcome friend. Always.” Amanda smiles again, as she turns and heads for the door. She leaves and Jac sits back down on the couch and pulls her phone out. She had planned to check her social media and let Scott finish his feed.

The next day was the first day of SeattleCon and to say Jac was excited was an understatement. She got Scott up and ready for the morning and adjusted his wheelchair and costume before starting his feed. She’d get everything for him packed before getting into costume as to make sure she didn’t get anything on it.

As she finished getting dressed, Jac packs everything and the three head out of the hotel room. They head down to the lobby and out of the hotel. The hotel had a coffee shop but it wasn’t Jac’s favorite coffee place so they walked down the street to the bustling coffee shop. It was FULL of people in costume. The couple was happy. After all that had recently gone on they were back again. Finally getting to be with a community they loved most.

After ordering and getting their iced coffees, they get out of the coffee shop to make room for others. They just had to get to the other end of the hotel where the convention hall was and it didn’t open for another 20 minutes so they just strolled there way down the sidewalk. The walkway was filled with people in costumes of all types. From anime, to cartoons, to popular TV shows and movies. They had checked in yesterday and got their creator badges so all they had to do was get there and make it through security.

As she pushed Scott’s wheelchair, Jac reached her hand over that wasn’t pushing the wheelchair and grabbed Mitch’s free hand. She had her coffee in the cup holder. Smiling, she lifted his hand up and kissed it. There were many people around them but in that moment the couple felt alone.

“Love you.” Jac smiles, shifting her weight to get a better grip on the wheelchair.

“Love you too.” Mitch replies, leaning in to kiss his wife.

“We made it Mitchell. We finally made it.”

“Yeah we did.”

As they got up to the front doors, they showed their badges and did a quick security check. They really just wanted to make sure they were not hiding anything bad or suspicious in Scott’s wheelchair and their weapons were fake. As they walked in, Jac let out a huge gasp. She couldn’t believe after all they’ve gone through that they finally made it. As Jac had gasped, Mitch quickly turned his head. He was worried she was trying to get air.

“Are you-”

“Fine, I’m fine, it’s just so beautiful in here.”

She takes a moment to take it all in.

“I’m sorry I scared you, I was just caught off guard.”

“It’s ok, I’m just glad you’re ok.”

“I am.” Jac replies realizing she was in the way. As she turns back, she starts pushing Scott’s wheelchair forward.

“So sorry.” She apologizes, as people start coming in behind her. She would need to keep moving and find a spot to stop out of the way so she could make a quick post letting everyone know she was there.

As she moved out of the way she finds a spot off to the side and pulls out her phone. The wheelchair Scott had, had a pouch hanging off the back that Jac would slide her phone, wallet, and anything small and important. As she slips it out she tries to unlock it. It didn’t like her face. She had a bunch of fancy makeup and a crazy wig on and wasn’t recognizing her. Fidgeting with it she finally gets it open with her one hand using her passcode. Why she didn’t let go of Scott’s chair was a mystery.

Taking a photo, she goes to her Instagram and posts it to her stories. With words on the screen saying she was here and would be walking around. She knew it wouldn’t take long before someone would spot her. She’d also want to find Amanda and meet up with her but was really just trying to get into the building. As she put her phone away she turned as she heard a voice behind her. It wasn’t her husbands but sounded familiar. It was Carter, one of her early supporters turned friends.

“Carter!” She beamed, quickly checking the lock on the wheelchair before leaning over to hug him.

“It’s so good to see you how are you?!” The man asks, smiling as Mitch turns to see what was going on.

“I could be better, excited to see everyone and have a break.” Jac sighs, feeling a faint twinge of sadness. She keeps one hand on the wheelchair and the other around her husband as he came to stand next to her.

“Well it’s good to see you! Let’s get a picture and I’ll let you go have fun.”

Snapping a selfie, Carter hugs Jac before letting her go. She was happy to see her friend to start off the day. Thankful to have a little breath of fresh air this morning.

“Ok Mitch,” Jac starts, reaching for her coffee to take a sip.

“What shall we do first?”

“I need some new art for my office. Maybe we can wander towards the art area and see if anyone else will find us.”

“The world is our Lego set right?” Jac chuckles.

“Yes it is.” Mitch replies, smiling as Jac starts pushing the wheelchair.Unexpected

As life after SeattleCon died down, picture’s shared with friends, highlight reels made and costumes repaired, Mitch and Jac could finally relax. Mitch was finally back to work and the daily routine of work and school was back to normal. That was until Jac woke up one morning puking her guts out.

“Jac?! You alright?” Mitch calls from the kitchen as he can hear his wife down the hall. She didn’t answer and that worried Mitch.

Turning off the stove and leaving the coffee to brew he makes his way down the hall to the bathroom calling out for Jac the whole way.

“Jac, you alright? Jack honey?!”

As he reaches the bathroom he hears one loud noise that can only be the sound of someone projectile vomiting. As she vomits she heaves. She had nothing left but the action of vomiting was causing her trouble breathing.

“Man, I feel horrible.” Jac groans, looking up from the toilet to see her husband as she slowly tries to catch her breath.

“You look horrible, did you eat something funky?” He asks, leaning down to help get his wife’s hair out of her face.

“Honestly I don’t know.” Jac sighs. Her first pregnancy besides the still birth was an easy one so she didn’t know what morning sickness felt like. If that’s what this was anyways.

“Can I go to work? Or do I need to call out?”

“I’m fine, I just need some water and I’ll send Scott off to school and take a nap.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I just need a nap.”

“Ok well call me if you need me.”

“I will, I will.”

“Jac I’m serious, call me, I’ll leave at the drop of a hat. You call and I’m there.”

“Thank you babe, but I think I’ll be ok.”

“Alright, but please,”

She shoo’s him off and goes to clean up making sure she takes it slow so she can catch her breath and not throw up again.

“You want coffee?!” Mitch calls from the kitchen as he hears Jac in the hall.

“No thanks! I don’t want to upset anything! Thanks though!” Jac says, heading towards Scott’s room to get him up for school. Gingerly she gets him out of bed and lays him on the changing table in the bedroom. She gets his clothes off, gives him a new diaper. Once done she puts him in his wheelchair before heading out to the kitchen. She’d get his morning feed going before seeing if there was anything she felt like eating. When she didn’t see anything right away she wanted she went and got everything ready for the school bus for Scott. By this time, Mitch was getting ready to leave. He had a church “music” Sunday service to build. A special once a year service filled with song and worship. Showcasing the musicians of the church and a few of the favorite hymns from the congregation.

“Love you babe, have a good day at work. I’ll see you this afternoon.” Jac smiles, leaning in the open window of her husband’s car. She had Scott behind her as they waited for the bus.

“Love you too!”

As they said their goodbyes, the school bus showed up. Jac would push Scott to the end of the driveway and they would load him on the bus with the automatic lift.

“Morning miss Jenny, it’s so good to see you!”

“You too,” She replies, helping get Scott situated.

Jenny had just come back from having a baby and while it was nice to see her, Jac felt uncomfortable and wasn’t sure if she wanted to ask how everything was going. Talking about babies after her hard loss was not easy for Jac.

Sending off Scott, Jac goes back into the house to take a nap. She figured the nap would help get rid of this fog she was feeling. Thankfully no uses of the inhaler today even though she was close.

Laying on the couch she dozes off. She’d slept last night but apparently not well enough because when she woke up from her nap she definitely felt well rested.

Getting up from the couch, she reached for the TV remote and decided to catch up on some YouTube from her favorite creators. She knew she needed to film a video later but that could wait. As the TV loaded up she went for a snack. She wasn't starving but definitely knew she needed something to eat.

As she picked out her snack she texted her husband and told him she was alright. Must have just been a stomach bug. To which he replied confused. This seemed a lot more than just a little stomach bug but he would wait and see what happens.

As the week went on, every morning like clockwork, Mitch would find Jac in the bathroom, seconds from needing her inhaler. It worried Mitch and by Sunday, his busiest day of the week he finally decided to speak up about it.

“Jac, are you sure you're alright? You’ve been in here like clockwork every morning. I don’t think this is some stomach bug.”

“I’m fine, I think it’s this new medication they have me on.”

“What new medication?”

“I got a new-”

Mitch could tell she was lying. He had a suspicion of what was going on and he thought Jac did too but didn't want to say anything. He knew she was scared because of what happened last time.

“Hey, if I think it’s what I think it is, then you shouldn't be scared. I’m here with you. The sooner you get to a doctor the more care you can get. The longer you wait we won’t know if anything happens.”

“It’s a baby Mitch, this wasn't planned.”

“So?”

“What if?”

“What if nothing.”

“Our boy, he died!” Jac finally lets the tears fall and sobs.

“I know, and I wish I could go back in time and fix everything but I can’t. God is giving us another chance lets take it! If it’s not meant to be then this is what God wants.”

“I’m scared.” Jac whimpers, leaning on her husbands shoulder and looking up into his eyes.

“Me too, but I’ll be with you every step of the way. Just relax and after church we can figure out what’s next, I’ll even buy you a pregnancy test and you can take it in the drug store bathroom like in the movies!” Mitch chuckles trying to lighten the mood.

“You know how gross those are?” Jac quietly laughs back.

“I know, I was kidding. I just wanted to see you laugh.” Mitch smiles, wiping the tears from his wife’s eyes.

“Lets get ready to go, I can hear Scott in his room and he’s got to be hungry. I’ll start his feed for you, you go get dressed.”

A few hours later, the couple is home from church and sitting in the bathroom. Jac had peed on the stick and was waiting for the results to show up in the screen. It would show the words “Pregnant” within a few minutes. The couple wanted to be excited but they were guarded. Jac would now start being as careful as possible.

As it was a Sunday she left a message with her OBGYN that she needed to make an appointment. She got an appointment and the pregnancy was confirmed. While she was still in the early stages, Jac’s OB recommended her to a specialist so they could watch every possible part of this pregnancy to check for anything that would cause any trouble. As the weeks went on Jac’s belly grew. She had bought herself a fetal Doppler and even though she wasn’t supposed to use it all the time she used it more than she should. It kept her piece of mind. As more time went on she went in for her gestational diabetes test. She did everything she was told to do and got the results back soon after. Not only did she have to deal with her asthma she now had to deal with diabetes. Thankfully her OBGYN was able to get her prescriptions for a Dexcom monitor and an omnipod insulin pump. This would help her easily manage everything and make it a little easier since she had to many other things to deal with.

Having put Scott down for bed, it was time to change her devices. She would stick them on and set them up pretty quickly. She had gotten used to them and learned how to do them rather fast.